The Entertainer

Since I was in high school I have dreamt about having a house full of friends having a good time and eating good food.  Of course this house is mine and the food was prepared by me, from the cute appetizers to sweet treats and they are all beautifully arranged on my fun serving wear!  Now added to that dream, is feeding people vegan food, and having them love it while they oooh and ahhh over how good it tastes!  Though this dream will eventually become a reality, I have had a few glimpses this month as I have taken on the roll of hostess!  My sister is getting married in October, and as her matron of honor (I know, sounds so old, but I guess it is better than being a maid, and at least it's in honor right!?) I threw her a bridal shower.  I came up with the food, decorations and games all by myself *pull up 'big girl' panties and cross arms* Okay, I had some help setting up from my mom and some family, but pretty much I tackled it all.  At first I was excited as my dream of hosting danced in my head.  A small get together with some food and games, no big deal.  I was excited as I wrote down all the fun and colorful food I was going to make.  Then after talking with my mom, I realized that the list of food would feed probably 50 plus people and take two days to prepare, oh and didn't really include foods that my some-what-picky sister would eat.  So we reworked the menu to be less time intensive and cater to the Bride-to-Be's pallet.  Nonetheless, as the day approached, I was getting more and more stressed.  I was beginning to wonder if I could pull this all off.  I felt like I was drowning in details even though it was really just a small get together!  How could I go through planning my wedding with out getting so stressed out, and here I was planning a bridal shower for 15 people at a park with mid-afternoon snacks, and I was about ready to pull my hair out!  I was beginning to wonder why I thought this whole party throwing was dreamy and fun.  I was beginning to think that I never wanted to throw a party again!  But, as usual the whole thing turned out perfect (except for the wind that kept blowing the table clothes off the tables).  Tough the menu was not entirely vegan, it was vegetarian.  However, the star of the table were my vegan cupcakes!  My sister asked where I bought them, and everyone raved about how great they tasted.  My uncle even wanted the recipe as he downed two in a row!  Though it was stressful, the end result was worth it as my sister and everyone had a really great time.  I realized that I was just new to the experience and was ready to tackle the next one with my new found "party-throwing" skills!

Food spread, yum!

The pretty pink cupcakes

Though not in quite the same magnitude, last weekend we had some friends over for breakfast, and later that night I had a friend over for dinner.  Now for most people, this may be normal.  But in our small apartment it doesn't happen very often and it kind of a big deal! (We have to re-arrange our 'piles' of 'stuff' so that we can have room to actually sit at our table.)  For breakfast we had lots of delicious fresh fruit and my becoming-famous vegan aebleskivers (Danish pancake balls).  My great-grandparents were from Denmark, so it is a traditional treat we make in our family and fun to show off to others :~)  My blueberry filled aelbskivers were a hit and the berries we had with them were delicious as well!

Finished aebleskivers in the aebleskiver pan

For dinner that night, I was excited to try a recipe I found in a store in Portland called Penzeys Spices for grilled protabella mushrooms with chipotle mayonnaise.  The recipe is inspired by the chipotle powder that I bought in the store that has a wonderful spicy-smokey smell.  I made some modifications to the recipe to make it vegan (mainly changing the mayonnaise to nayonaise), but the results were delicious!  I usually grill my mushroom whole with an Italian dressing marinade, but this recipe used a different marinade and called for protabella slices.  Add the chipotle nayonaise a few avocado slices, a tomato slab and some lettuce, and you have the best burger I have ever tasted!  My friend agreed that they chipotle nayonaise was delicious.  Just enough kick with a little smokey aftertaste!  (If you love to cook and have never been in a Penzeys Spices store, then you are missing out!  A whole store for just spices, who knew!  I was in love at first sight.  They even have a cook book!)

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The difference between knowing, and really *knowing* and My Garden!

(In continuation from last post...)  I did get up that morning at 7, but I was so tired and just wanted to take a nap on my yoga mat.  I pushed through, but didn't get much out of it.  Needless to say, I didn't get up at 7 the next day.  I learned that forcing myself to do it because "I know it's good for me" doesn't really work.  Sure there will be days I don't want to work out or eat a salad or do yoga, but it usually just because I am feeling lazy.  There is a difference between "knowing it is good for me" and really actually knowing it is good for me.  There are plenty of tips, tricks and claims out there about feeling great and being happy.  Do all of them work?  Well, I haven't tried them all so I'm not sure.  But have all of them worked for someone, probably.  The trick is finding the right reasons to make changes, and making changes for the right reason.  On days when I don't feel like working out or eating right, I can remember times when I felt good when I did and felt bad when I didn't.  That is usually enough to get my lazy behind in gear.  "I know it is good for me" because science and research tells me, but I also know because I have experienced it.  When it comes to yoga and meditation, the science and research is there.  There have been numerous studies that have shown the positive effects of yoga and mediation on stress and life happiness and I have come across them many times.  Every time I do, I think "I want to have that feeling, I will someday."  When I force myself to the mat because "I know it is good for me" the session turns out as a waste of time because my mind is elsewhere, counting down the minutes until I can sit back down and take a nap.  Instead of feeling refreshed afterward, I feel as though I could have better used my time.  This feeling then gets added to the list of reasons why I don't want to get up early to spend time on my mat.  Have I felt the positive effects of yoga yet?  To some degree I have.  I have felt the connection to breath and movement that calms my breath and mind....usually only for a few seconds at a time though.  I know that it helps calm me down in the morning when I wake up with the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I also know that it has helped my flexibility and helps to reduce tension in my back.  Though these are all positive attributes, and enough to keep me coming back again and again, I haven't had that epiphany that has led me to my calm, quite and confident self.  I know that practice make better, and I will keep practicing.  I just want to make sure that when I practice, I am in the right mind set.  I don't want my yoga practice to be an item to check off my "To-Do" list for the day.  I want it to be my retreat, my sanctuary my calm in times of stress and anxiety.  I want to really feel the benefits of yoga so that when the times come that I don't want to practice, I can look back and really know that taking some time for myself on the mat will be a good thing :)

(I did get up this morning to do yoga after a relaxing weekend, and I felt good.  I am doing better about focusing my mind on my breathing and movements while I practice rather than coming up with my plan for the day.  Meditation on the other hand is a different story....I'm still working on that one.)

Now on to my garden!  It has been about two months now since my mom and I planted my wonderful produce plot, and it is looking fabulous!  Many people walking by or working in the garden have told me how great it looks!  Not that I am keeping count, but mine looks the best by far!  I also know that the reason it looks so good is because I make sure to get out at lest twice a week to water, and every couple weeks to weed.

This last week I got my first real harvest and made some yummy meals with my produce :)  This week I know that I will have more to harvest and I am excited to try out new recipes with my very own fresh, organic produce!

This was my real "first harvest", but this was all I picked. Ground Cherries!

Harvest one: rainbow chard, basil, ground cherries, and marigolds

My Garden, two months from original planting

Almost ready to pick!  I love broccoli!

My pumpkin is trying to take over my garden!  And starting to put out little pumpkins :)

Amish Gold, I ate this one straight off the plant on Friday and it was tasty!

Pretty purple bean flowers.  A humming bird visited these while I was working!

Beautiful yellow pumpkin flower.

What I made with my rainbow chard: greens and beans

Pesto with the basil

and a fresh tomato and basil pasta salad!

Have a wonderful summer day in the sunshine and enjoy all the fresh produce!

What I've Learned (from the CSD)......finally!

Alright, so like I said, I'm not quite very good at this whole blogging thing yet.  I could come up with lots of excuses: busy, ran out of time, tired, will take to long, not in the mood, etc....but really what it comes down to is life just going on.  There are always things to do, I just have to decide if this is one of them.  I know I want it to be, but I also have all these other things that I want to do as well!

Three weeks of eating lots of veggies, taking time to meditate and do yoga daily, taking care of my body and thinking positive.  What all came out of it?  Well, I felt really good. Even though I was getting up earlier than I wanted, I wasn't exhausted by the end of the day, in fact I wasn't even that tired by the time bed time came around.  But once it was time to sleep, I was out like a light! Overall, my mood and outlook on life improved.  I didn't feel as stressed or anxious about my day or life.  I was enjoying each day and appreciating the little things.  I didn't really have a desire for material things or as many of my comfort foods.  In general, I was starting to feel comfortable in my body and in my life. 

I also noticed that my creative brain really started to become active again.  I used to love to do arts and crafts, even if I wasn't the best at them.  I used to come up with sewing projects, baking and cooking ideas, and just general ideas!  I felt that come back.  I wanted to get out my sewing machine. bake cupcakes and decorate them, play the guitar, scrapbook, you name it crafty-creative type thing sounded fun.  They no longer were things that I enjoyed-doing-once-don't-have-time-for-them, maybe-some-other-time-in-my-life ideas and thoughts.  They were, why don't I work on it now because I do have the time and they make me happy!  I even acted on these thoughts!  I went over to my Mom's house to work on a quilt that my grandma was supposed to make for me for graduation from high school (five years ago).  She has since passed away.  All the fabric is cut out, it is just a matter of laying the pattern out and sewing it together.  Easy enough, but I just never had the time to do it.  I also had the desire to start blogging about and posting more food related topics, like what I made for dinner!  I love making food and making food look good!  And I would love to share it with everyone!  (Not that anyone reads my blog yet, but that shall change in the future, if I keep it up and running that is (: )

My view on time also changed.  I have always been one to wear a watch or know what time it is.  I look at the clock constantly and am very aware of how long it takes me to do things.  I often have a schedule in my head of things that need to get done, be it today, tomorrow, or the rest of my life (yes I know, who knows the schedule for their whole life!?)  with accompanying time allotments.  If the scheduled task doesn't get done in that amount of time, it equals stress and anxiety.  I always felt like I was rushing from one thing to the next.  Always looking for the fastest and quickest way to do things, and often getting frustrated with anyone who was taking longer than I wanted them to.  (Never to their face, but in my head, which just made me even more anxious and stressed!).  Taking the time to slow down and really trying to appreciate the here and now helped me to calm down and do less mind-scheduling.  I looked at the clock less, didn't feel as anxious, didn't get frustrated with people and had more a laid-back, it-will-get-done attitude.  As a result, I felt like I had more time and got more things done!  What a crazy revelation!  Here I was this whole time try to schedule everything out to the minute to try and maximize time to get as much done, and then always ending up disappointed, when all I had to do was NOT schedule.  What I realized was: there will always be things that need to get done.  Once you finish something, there will always be something more.  You can always come up with things that suck away your time or things that didn't' get accomplished, but that just leaves you with an empty feeling of dissapointment.  Rather, shift your thoughts to all the things you get to do today, with no pressure as to when they need to be done (unless they have some outside influencing time-line).  Don't make due dates and deadlines for everything in your life!  The groceries do not need to be gotten and put away in 30 minutes and be done by 4:15!  That is just your over-scheduling-crazy-perfectionist-brain telling you that.  On top of that, no one but yourself is going to be disappointed if you don't meet that time-line.  And most importantly, even if it takes you 10 minutes longer, the world will not end.  I promise.

So what am I saying with all of this?  Well, the main point is that I felt happy and content.  I found time to do the things that I love by adjusting my priorities.  I have always had the time to do them, I just was so stressed and anxious about everything else that I didn't feel like I had time for them.  This journey was all about making time to take care of myself, both my body and my mind, and it had a big effect!  So why is most of this written in past tense?  Well since finishing the CSD, I continued the early morning routine for about a week.  Then we went camping.  Then we came home and I was tired and wanted to sleep in.  Needless to say, I haven't been taking the time to work on my thoughts.  And what da' know, I am feeling stressed and worried about my life and time and getting irritated with people and putting "other peoples negative thoughts in my head".  Well, that's dumb.  What I have to say about all this could take forever.  The main point is that I need to take the time to take care of my mental health as much as I need to watch what I put in my mouth.  I know that eating a bucket of fries and ketchup tastes good, but makes me feel awful an hour later, so I don't do it.  I also know that negative thoughts lead to more and that stress and anxiety lead to more stress and anxiety and more negative thoughts.  I now also know that I can do something about that.  I just make take me several times of the "BIG FAT REMINDER" hammer hitting me on the head when I forget. 

I wanted to follow the CSD not to change my life for three weeks, but for ever.  I want to be happy, positive and creative.  I want to enjoy life for today, and not worry so much about yesterday and tomorrow. 

Tomorrow, I am setting the alarm for 7am and I am meeting my yoga mat for a date.  I want to be happy, and I have the power and the right to make that happen for myself, do I am going to make it happen!

Peace, love and health!

(P.S. I feel better even after writing this....which was kind of the point.  I needed that reminder.....)